Hell’s frozen over! After Mark Noble’s penalty what’s next?

Andrew Hosie says after his Spurs scuff anything is now possible

Most West Ham fans would have put their house on Mark Noble to score his penalty against Tottenham Hotspur.

The midfielder put his effort wide and the Hammers went on to lose the game 1-0. But if the costly mistake proved one thing it’s that anything can happen in football. Here are five equally unlikely things that could happen, but probably won’t.

1) Following Sheffield United’s win against the Hammers it is revealed the Blades have broken the rules on third party ownership with regards to their skipper and winning penalty kick taker Michael Doyle. Fully expecting the Blades to be kicked out and the Hammers re-instated, the two Davids are furious when it’s announced Sheffield United will be allowed to stay in the tournament and are fined a mere £5.5million. After an unsuccessful appeal by the Hammers, the joint chairmen vow to take legal action demanding compensation. West Ham and Sheffield United settle out of court following an intervention from Carlos Tevez.

2) With Kevin Nolan out for at least six weeks, Sam Allardyce is forced against his will to give Mauro Zarate an extended run in the first team. Surprising absolutely everyone, Zarate and Carlton Cole form an almost telepathic onfield partnership firing Cole up to the top of the goalscoring chart and firing West Ham to the top of the league. Sam Allardyce wins four consecutive manager of the month awards and Green Street is renamed ‘Big Sam Way’ in honour of the high-flying Hammers and their famous manager.

3) Sam Allardyce admits he bases all of his decisions on a parallel game of Football Manager he started when he was appointed as Hammers boss. ‘I’m doing much better in the game than in real life, I have to say!’ Big Sam chuckled when quizzed by reporters.

4) The two Davids will introduce some new initiatives to keep the fans amused during West Ham’s more ‘direct’ football moments. Live chickens will be released periodically throughout the game and fans will be asked to vote on a specially created phone app which West Ham player will have to round them all up. A barbeque will be fired up on the halfway line, tended to by the players on the subs bench and served up to fans at half time.

5) After being out for longer than six weeks, Kevin Nolan recovers from injury and returns to the team as captain. In absolutely no connection whatsoever it coincides with a downturn in the side’s performances.

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