School Report: ‘Who’s being sent home early and who is graduating with honours?’

The academic reports are out after a somewhat disappointing season for the class overall.

Jarrod Bowen (WHU) celebrates scoring the first West Ham goal (1-0) at the West Ham United v Liverpool EPL match, at the London Stadium, London, UK on 27th April, 2024.

It’s been a mixed bag of a year for the pupils of London Stadium.
In what has been their final term under their history-writing headmaster, some individuals have had standout performances, while some have left us scratching our heads in the staff room.
Let’s take a look at the alumni annual report cards:

Alphonse Areola – B+

It’s fair to say that Alphonse has made some match-winning saves this term and deserves the praise he has been getting from his fans. He was handed an early season boost by being trusted as the class number one, and there’s been little to suggest it wasn’t deserved. It would be nice to see more clean sheets next term, with a little help from his pals in front of him!

Lucasz Fabianski – C

With 10 appearances to his name this term, Lucasz stepped in when he was needed. Despite still being the most senior classmate he can still pull off a good stop, however he did suffer some heavy defeats letting in five twice and four once. He’s still a good back-up option and willing to be part of the team activities.

Emerson – B

Following on from a good settling in spell last year, Emerson has really made himself a valuable member of the class and was in for a shout of star pupil. With the most clean sheets to his name versus his peers, he’s proved to be solid and even managed to score a cracker along the way. More of the ‘on-form’ Emerson next term, please.

Vladimir Coufal – B-

Vladimir seems to have rediscovered some of his debut season form this term and we’re pleased to see it. He came in with a whopping seven assists to his name showing his eagerness and team spirit is still well and truly there. It stands to his credit that he’s keeping the youngsters away from his position. Again, as stands for his fellow defensive classmates, we’d love to see more clean sheets.

Kurt Zouma – C-

Kurt took a dip in form this year overall and he wasn’t as reliable as we’d hoped he would be as the class captain. His communication was often lacking and he made too many mistakes in defence. He did chip in with three goals, which was his most since he joined. He’s sometimes misunderstood – we think he does care, he just needs to express it more often.

Nayef Aguerd – C

It seems as though Nayef has had a mixed term and has struggled to keep up with the pace, whether that was through injury or lack of effort. He came here with potential but hasn’t really lived up to it, and we wouldn’t be surprised if this is his last report card.

Konstantinos Mavropanos – C+

With 18 attendance marks this term, ‘Dinos’ has shown some real improvements in his game. He took some time to get acquainted with his classmates, but has put in some impressive performances to earn precious points. We’d be delighted to see his hard work continue next year for further improvement.

Ben Johnson – C

Ben probably didn’t get as many chances as he’d hoped this season, partly down to better performances from his classmates. But he did have a couple of really good games and it’s unfortunate that he didn’t get a good run to further prove himself. There’s more to come from Ben, he keeps improving.

Angelo Ogbonna – C-

Angelo Ogbonna (WHU) celebrates after Michail Antonio (WHU) scored the second West Ham (2-2) at the West Ham United v Liverpool EPL match, at the London Stadium, London, UK on 27th April, 2024.

We’d be sad to see Angelo leave after so many years of having him around but it’s likely that’s what will happen. He’s been his trademark cool-self when called upon this season and is as much of a team player as ever. It’s just maybe time for some fresh legs, but his presence will be missed.

Aaron Cresswell – C

Aaron dropped in when he was needed this term and he’s still been a solid backup, despite fewer opportunities to play. His effort is always noted and he’s consistent. We can always rely on Aaron to put energy into going forward too – that’s been the same for the last decade and we’re glad he hasn’t changed.

Tomas Soucek – B-

Soucek has been a standout pupil this term, albeit unexpectedly. Last term we asked him to “find his feet again” and he surely did. He put in some incredibly important goals, took more knocks for the team and kept a smile on his face while he did it. We’re so pleased he found some positive form this year with seven goals, two assists and four big chances created. Good for you Tomas.

James Ward-Prowse – B

Teacher’s pet James settled in effortlessly this term and hit the ground running with some commanding performances. He got a little quieter over the course of the academic year and perhaps didn’t have the all-round impact we’d hoped for. But all the same, he’s a threat to the opposition and can make a game-changing difference on his day. We just need to see more spark, which might come with a new headmaster in town.

Mohammed Kudus – A-

Mohammed has been really impressive this term with seven goals, six assists and an eagerness to impress. He’s been exciting to watch and scored some memorable goals that did put him in contention for star pupil. We want to keep seeing more of his abilities because he could continue to be a standout pupil next term.

Lucas Paqueta – B+

We know how much Lucas has to offer, he’s the most naturally gifted pupil we have. He just needs to knuckle down and sometimes be a bit less…dramatic! We feel he could have chipped in with more than four goals, because he has the ability. But he did significantly contribute to class efforts with 12 big chances created. It remains to be seen whether he will graduate to ‘bigger’ pastures in the summer holiday.

Edson Alvarez – A-

Edson was another close call for star pupil with a really positive impact on the class. He filled in a big gap left in midfield and was solid defensively. The only thing he needs to work on is his discipline – too many yellows lead to a time out and we don’t want to have to put him in the naughty corner again.

Kalvin Phillips – F

Unfortunately, Kalvin was bottom of the class in many subjects this term. We don’t know if he was just unlucky or a little complacent but his cameo appearances pretty much all lead to errors and opposition goals. We can’t give him a positive grade, but he seems like a nice chap…if that’s any consolation?

Jarrod Bowen – A

Star pupil once more for Jarrod. This term has seen him equal Di Canio’s Premier League scoring record for the Hammers, which is a fantastic achievement and something we’ve longed for. His efforts are never in doubt and, as the records show, he’s our most consistent striker in recent history. Well done, again, Jarrod.

Michail Antonio – C+

We feel like Micky picked up his act a bit this term. While we can accept he isn’t quite at the same technical standard as his classmates, he has still chipped in with important goals, six in the league and one in Europe. But with one goal for every five shots, he’s got more potential. We hope his confidence grows again under a new headmaster and he can further cut out costly mistakes.

Danny Ings – D

Danny chipped in with one league goal this year, which did earn a point, but he spent most of his time on the bench. Unfortunately, he just doesn’t make the impact he needs to as a substitute often enough. He had two starts, which we understand isn’t enough to prove a point, but with those games being against Fulham and Sheffield United, he had a good opportunity to shine.

Maxwel Cornet – D

With just seven appearances to his name this term, Maxwel hasn’t been afforded the chances he needed to show his flair and make strides. It’s been a tough ride for him and we’re sorry he hasn’t been able to prove himself.

Divin Mubama – B

Divin got limited minutes this term but we’re sure we’ve not seen the last of him. He’s confident and lively, which we love. He got more time on the field in Europe than in the Premier League, but whilst still playing in the PL2 he’s been keeping himself busy. We really hope he keeps improving.

George Earthy – C+

We couldn’t let Georgey go without a report card, even though he only had limited attendance. He soldiered back from a hefty head injury to score his first senior goal, which was a wonderful moment for the whole class. His patience and hard work have been rewarded, well done George.

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